It has been some time ever since I last blogged. So here I am. Once again I have reach a part in life that I almost give up. If you read the bible, you would probably be familiar with this guy call Job, he is a man that God find him righteous. Satan tested him 3 times ? And did not fail the test despite the lost of his everything. My point is not that I am like him or what. I am no where near that man. The point is that will I be able to be like him during the period of testing. I thought I could. Most certain I could. Then came the test. This test puts my pride, my money and my time on risk. First thing I did was I question God. Stupidly I failed the first test, question his existence. But I constantly reminded myself to praise God and give thanks for what I receive. I sat there, and think to myself how can I give thanks for this, I asked God is this what he intended? May your way be done not mine, I always prayed . At that point I want to cry, But I could not, someone was there. I don't wish to scare that person and I definitely don't wish to expose myself to others. I prayed that night for forgiveness for the lack of faith. I prayed for relieve and for solution. If problem not settled, I will be in hot soup. After that incident, even when I saw my friend, I felt I grew distant from them. Like some kind of emo personal. It really is shameful. I wish that did not happen. More important, God would solve it for me in the best way.
I withdraw from the face of the earth, I sink in sinking sand. I tell myself to do my best in the future and not repeat the mistake. God is there with me. I know he is.
