New quote. Life has never been easier. It keep crashing on me. Fighting back to stand firm. All that is left of me were broken pieces. If it is for you, I will fight till the end. If it wasn't for you, it would as well be my death date. Controlling my emotion, holding back my tears, I try and try not to cry. As much as it hurts me, I got to hold on. Plant my feet firm into the ground.
I grab on tight. Never to let go. Oh gracious Lord, let not my failure be the sinking sand. Let not my emotion draw me away from you. Let not your righteous judgment be upon my friend. Let not my failure cruse you. Let not my pride carried me away. Let it not be the end but a better beginning.
Let my feet be glued to you.
May you be my fortress, my shield my source of strength.
Let you alone be my guidance.
12:18 AM
Tuesday, May 19, 2009,
Dear all,
It has been some time ever since I last blogged. So here I am. Once again I have reach a part in life that I almost give up. If you read the bible, you would probably be familiar with this guy call Job, he is a man that God find him righteous. Satan tested him 3 times ? And did not fail the test despite the lost of his everything. My point is not that I am like him or what. I am no where near that man. The point is that will I be able to be like him during the period of testing. I thought I could. Most certain I could. Then came the test. This test puts my pride, my money and my time on risk. First thing I did was I question God. Stupidly I failed the first test, question his existence. But I constantly reminded myself to praise God and give thanks for what I receive. I sat there, and think to myself how can I give thanks for this, I asked God is this what he intended? May your way be done not mine, I always prayed . At that point I want to cry, But I could not, someone was there. I don't wish to scare that person and I definitely don't wish to expose myself to others. I prayed that night for forgiveness for the lack of faith. I prayed for relieve and for solution. If problem not settled, I will be in hot soup. After that incident, even when I saw my friend, I felt I grew distant from them. Like some kind of emo personal. It really is shameful. I wish that did not happen. More important, God would solve it for me in the best way.
I withdraw from the face of the earth, I sink in sinking sand. I tell myself to do my best in the future and not repeat the mistake. God is there with me. I know he is.
